Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
