it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
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U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
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She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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