Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
