you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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