New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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