Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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