I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize