Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
