In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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