It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
third nipple confirmed
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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