i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
