I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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