"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come