The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
this will be a night to untag.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
