WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
