Me too!
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Sext me about skeletons
i think i just lost a toe
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
