When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
