Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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