Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
