piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
