you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
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Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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