all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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