my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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