she was so not down for the gang bang
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
