i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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