So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
