Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
