Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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