You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
