my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
