Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
