Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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