I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I will pee on everything he values.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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