there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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