I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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