the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
