This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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