I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
