Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
