I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
