It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
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Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
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I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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