1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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