She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
