i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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