Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
