I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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