Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
