He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
