I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
