Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize