for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
