the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
