She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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