actually, I'm a sock model
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
