sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
i think i just lost a toe
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
