I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
