You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
