How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
