I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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