I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
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I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
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You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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