oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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