so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
