I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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