Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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