So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
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I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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