end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
