this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We don't watch enough power rangers
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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