What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
