She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
