dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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