When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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