She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
