I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
