just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
