today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
