You're so nebulous sometimes
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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