Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
