so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
