Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
