So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
