She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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