He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
