so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
