I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
