you guys were way drunker than both of me
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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