Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
