So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
