perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
